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The
Time Machine: (2002) This retelling of the H.G.Wells classic
novel finds Guy Pearce speeding forward in time to witness the future population
blow up the moon. Way to go. 800,000 years later the Eloi,
“too stupid to evolve” above-ground humans, are being round up like cattle
by the evil underground Morlocks. Guy meets the hot young Mara (pop
sensation Samantha Mumba), who wins the best “swingers in a fishnet tank
top” award, despite the fact that her nipples appear to be airbrushed out
of every frame. She is soon captured and taken below. Guy,
being male, decides to get her back. Once underground he finds a
discarded garment of hers, and everyone else captured seems to have been
eaten. Further exploration reveals Mara to have been penned up, awaiting
a rather Overlord-esque Jeremy Irons pleasure. Turns out he’s an
Uber-morlock in need of a mate, and despite the fact that Mara has not
been left naked (as before hinted), she is the current entrée (as
a mate, not food… sicko). A double lament, even if it is a mongoloid
morlock lament all the same. I'd have bound
and washed that
one....
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