Bob’s services include:
||Bob has been in the service of hundreds
of Evil Overlords, Dictators, power mad Nazis, criminals, Kings, Queens,
Dukes, Counts, Viceroys, Warlords and more, so he knows his trade exceptionally
well. He’s trained his minions to serve you very well also, and together
they bring to your stronghold a wealth of knowledge and trades that can
only help to make your job of ruling the universe easier.
|- PROPER bondage: Your good-hearted
nemesis, any of his cohorts, nor your damsel in distress will never escape
our patented knots, shackles and chains.
- Preparing of captured damsels for
use in Overlord’s bedchamber: We bind, strip, wash, clean, brush,
adorn, bejewel… anything YOU want her to be when she’s brought before you,
because YOU’RE the boss!
- Virgin sacrifices. ‘Nuff
- Closed-circuit observations:
The era and décor of your stronghold can be matched by either magic
crystal balls or TV cameras and sets for the observations of minions and
prisoners both – for your health as well as our mutual pleasure.
- Training of slaves, slave auctioning,
etc (live band provided during local auctions)
- Extra defense if stronghold is under
siege (complete anti-‘run-away!’ policy). You provide the weapons,
we provide the manpower. No angry, torch-wielding mob is going to
get through OUR boys, much less your nemesis and his overblown cohorts.
- Pets: dogs, trained horses, Demons
with proper resumes… we’ve got your animals right here! If you already
have the pets, we can feed ‘em; especially Rabbits!
||- Propaganda services for subjugation
of mindless peasants.
- Tortures galore; our trained
minions of evil understand the importance of well-executed torture, whether
it be needed for gloating over a captured enemy or the breaking of a maiden’s
will to your eventual advances. After we’re done with her, she’ll
be happy to accept someone such as you!
- Mad scientists and evil geniuses are
on our contact list, easily attainable for your needs.
|- A willing audience; Our henchmen
are trained to watch when ordered to, laugh on command, jeer when needed,
submit when told, and cackle when you cackle.
- Incompetence control: we are
happy to slay our own if they do not meet our exacting specifications,
much less those of you, our ‘bad guy boss’ (if you haven’t already killed
- Basic clothes and rags ready made for
slaves; all of our supplies are made from 100% recycled good-guys,
hand stitched by old, used up harem girls.
||-All weapons and fighting styles
are taught to our henchmen, but when the sword-wielding kung-fu master
good guy shows up we just shoot ‘im.
-Remember, Bob and his henchmen choose
only the finest women from the flock for capture, who are then promptly,
but not too promptly, brought before you. We throw the ugly ones
When Plot is completely
superfluous compared to a correct sacrificial costume change…
Contact Bob’s Evil Henchmen Services
PO Box 15-666