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Police
Academy: Mission To Moscow: (80’s, 90’s, who cares?) In this Oscar-deprived
opus, the baddies—your stereo-typical Russians played by bad Italian accented
actors of German decent from Wisconsin—steal the tall sultry blonde, Callahan,
while the American cops from the Police Academy are making their way back
to the airport. After a car chase that’s highlighted by three Russian
acrobats who can only whistle, the Russians are able to escape back to
where they can take the blonde back to the baddies’ hideout. Once
there, we find our blonde tied to a bed wearing nothing but green and black
laced lingerie…while staring dough-eyed at the numerous paintings of Elvis
on Velvet…and Ron Perlman. In all honesty, I ask you, mate; what’s
more disturbing, The Beast parading around in a robe trying to sing Elvis…or
the fact that the Police Academy series went as far as seven or eight or
twenty-three films?
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