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Big
Trouble in Little China: (1986) John Carpenter’s ode to
kung fu flicks contains a double lament, my fellow henchmen. What
can it mean? Two girls with green eyes? Well, both Kim Cattrall
and an oriental beauty (Suzee Pai) are catured by Lo Pan and his minions
(uhh, I’m in there… guy with the sai… ya can’t miss me). Kim’s character
is chained to the floor of a dank dungeon by a hairy beast, discovered
by Lo Pan to be a possible future bride alternative (you can never be too
sure with those green-eyed chicks), and placed under his spell. When
next we see our lovely, she and Suzee Pai are both the apparent victims
of Spontaneous Costume Change. Now you’re intelligent movie-goers,
my friends. Do YOU s’pose they just volunteered under hypnosis to
put on those eastern wedding gowns that require about six people to wrap
around one girl? Me neither.
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